Friday, 5 September 2008

another weather front anyone?

Why oh why do we live here with such shitty weather!
This is what my feet looked like at the end of the firsy day at Ardingly! I did wear my crocs but the holes let all the mud in .
Still never mind I met loads of nice people, including some fellow bloggers. I also met some right tossers who thought that £3 was too expensive for a nice enamel plate, they offered £2! I did consider this offer for about 30 seconds, and then I remembered it has cost £120 to stand in this muddy field so I polietley asked them to rearrange this, please, piss!
Another knob head asked how much my pencil sharpener was, when infact it was a Victorian been slicer! I cant imagine what the pencil would have looked like after trying to sharpen it.
Another care in the community escapee also asked how much the calor gas bottle in the van, that was attached to my cooker boiling a kettle,was! Why do these people bother leaving the house! I would put them all in room 101, along with the people who put petrol in, go into the shop and do a weeks shopping! why cant they pull of the bloody
Ill end now, with a quick weather update for all you carbooters out there...this saturday will be RAIN!!!!!....this sunday will be RAIN TOO! What will all those Polish addidas wearing mobile phone hunters do? perhaps they will go to Tescos where there is now a Polish food aisle for them!
I did hear a funny joke on the radio on the way home...
A man is walking along the road naked with a naked woman on his back, a policeman stops him and asks what he is doing, " I'm off too a fancy dress party , I;m going as a turtle"
"well who is the naked lady then?" the policeman asked,
"That's Michelle!


prettyshabby said...

that's a baaaaaad joke but very funny fred. We were once asked by a 'booter' how much the bench seat was in the back of my old landrover was still welded to the floor i might add.Some people are indeed most odd. I HATE the makes me poor as I cant work in it and it makes one of my cats pee inside.nice.

Lace Threads said...

Hey, I've been longing to hear about Ardingly WHICH I COULDN'T MAKE COS THE KIDS HADN'T GONE BACK TO SCHOOL. Another hilarious post. Gosh, those pitch fees stack up, don't they! I hope you did well. I was so cross with myself. I've realized I wanted to buy that little enamel holder I picked up, and promptly forgot about. Did you sell it? You must be exhausted - hope the recovery is quick!

angel said...

So you had a nice week then.......rotflmho.
Do they really have a Polish aisle!
I bet the Bleach and the wax aint happy about that...... lol.
Thanks again for another Gripping and very funny post.

Love and hugs. X x X x X

Lace Threads said...

ps. Fred, I picked up the latest Marie Claire Idees magazine a couple of weeks ago - do you have it yet? I'm not going to make anything from it, and am happy to send it to you if you let me have your addy. I know you'd provide it with a good home! Caroline x

A Different Era said...

PMSL, you've cheered up my Friday evening!

Anonymous said...

Whatever you do Fred...please do not stop writing!
Soooooo funny!
Amanda-Shabby Chick x

claire Maraldo said...

you're back.

I've found you again at last. but alas not in time to meet you at Detling where I could have entertained you with my best knob head impression.

don't go away again

Kristy said...

My favourite comments from a carboot buyer was when she spied the goodies I'd bought at the sale for myself.I had some lovely wooden crates in the back of my car and she asked how much they were.I explained they were for me and she very rudely and loudly told me that 'At least you know what you should be selling instead of the rubbish you have on here'! Charming! Then there was the guy who asked how much some old galvanised jugs were.I told him 50p each and he gave me a 50p coin then proceeded to put all 3 of them in his bag and walk away.I was too dumbstruck to chase him!
I hope you didn't feel like you gave everything away.

Barbara Jacksier said...

My father's name was Fred and so is my my son's, so I gravitate to "Fred" blogs. Yours, once again, is super.

Daisys Little Cottage said...

U need to B a professional writer. Such hilarious insight!

Nostalgia at the Stone House said...

Hi Fred,
What is it with the whole bartering thing at fairs? - I'm sure half the people don't even think if your price is fair, but just expect a discount whatever... must try that one at the supermarket next time....they're bound to give me a discount, aren't they? haha

Still, I'm sure the whole experience helped sharpen your wicked sense of humour - keep it up!

(Hope Hayley has explained about the slip cover!!! ;-))
Niki x

Lace hearts said...

Haha - I'm sure there was another post here earlier, and I didn't have time to leave a comment, and so I come back with time to spare, and,'s disappeared into a black hole. Hmmmm. You are getting rather clever, methinks!

Greedy Nan said...

Hi. Been brought to you by Posy and am more than a little scared! Hope it's just fun because you're making me nervous. Are you really this mumpy?

Amy said...

I enjoy hearing about your adventures, muddy feet, dumb people and all that goes with it. You are a great blogger to read.

kates_clutter said...

Hi Fred,

I too went to Ardingly, I thought I recognized your face, but it wasn't till i was halfway home that i realized who you where! I'm glad you've come back to blog! :)

Donna said...

So glad you have decided to come back. Love your blog, so funny!

Claire said...

My sister sent me the link to your blog the other day, i nearly wet myself laughing, please post more often to brighten up our days...

Anonymous said...

People do ask the funniest of things... I have an online store and got an email a couple of weeks ago that said, What does 'sorry we do not post to your country' mean?

As I couldn't think of a polite answer, I chose to delete the question altogether.

Pleased you are writing once again.

kelly said...

Totally agree with you. the weather is shite. So glad to have found you, what an honest blog. You ought to tell us the details about creating that chair cover (previous posts). Its wonderful!

Two Crofters said...

i cannot believe that i have moved!!
i used to live in Kent near Tunbridge Wells - i could have spent a fortune at your stall :(
start an online shop for all us Northern girls to drool over - come on - you know you want to....
you could sit indoors soaking your feet in a lavender filled tub of water, whilst sipping tea.


love to you - hope you sold heaps and heaps
t x

Anonymous said...

Hi Fred!
You've gone very quiet :-( please post something soon and make all us vintage babes laugh!!! PLEEEEASE!!!
Love Amanda (Shabby Chick) x

The Devil Makes Work said...

Hey there, just found your blog via Fabric of My Life. I must say your rant really made me laugh, especially the bit about the petrol station shoppers.

Sad that I missed your sale. I was just bemoaning the fact that there doesn't seem to be anything going on down yonder sussex way and I find out that there is.

Anyway, really enjoy the blog.


angel said...

Where have you gone Fred...... i hope all is well. said...

Oi!!!!! Write some more funny words - your wit is ace!

Josie-Mary said...

Hello, found your blog along the way...great blog, sooo funny, made me laugh lots :))))

a mermaids purse said...

ooooo i have had a good giggle glad i found ya blog fred ;0)

MarieAngel said...

OMG, now that i've finally stopped laughing (almost peed myself) after reading your blog I must say that it was quite refreshing.

The whole time I was reading your posts, I kept hearing the voice of Jason Stratham in one of his monologues. Your humor sir is of the best kind. Keep it up, you've made a canuck's day.