The time had come...

As with most men I reached that point when the underwear draw didn't seem as glam as it once did.

As character trunks seem to be in vogue I set off in search down the high street. Stupidly I entered Primark, lots of choice at cheap prices. The only thing I forgot was that when your not six stone, the fit often depends on the price.

Skipping home with a brown bag full of polyester patterned trunks, my joy was to be short lived.

By the time i'd pulled these on and stretched them over my ample bottom, Batman was unrecognizable, He looked more like Susan Boyle after bad botox!

The final humiliation came as tried to get a bit of my belly under the waistband. The whole bloody elastic waistband came off in my hands with a loud rip and ended up under my boobs looking like an external gastric band!

Now I have a dilema, do I risk taking them back and be humiliated as the tiny assistant in customer services holds them up and asks what the problem was, trying not to laugh, or do I just put this episode down  to vanity and get the nylon leopard print ones back out again and resume a wonderful friendship.

Perhaps Santa will be more lucky.